Maintenance Begins...

On Monday, January 25 Jordan officially started day one of the maintenance phase. On that day the port-a-cath was finally inserted into his chest. He was sore the entire week from that but finally started to move around the next week. His blood counts are currently low, this Monday we go in to check them, I am hopeful they will start rising.

I had stated earlier what chemo was expected for him to take on the maintenance phase, but was unaware of another chemo pill he would have to take once a week. Unfortunately, every Monday he will be taking an additional eight and a half pills. These pills do make him feel nauseous the next morning.

Jordan has been fighting a low grade fever for the past couple of days which throws us into a frenzy because any temp over 100, and we are hospital bound. That alone makes us sick, we are so done with the hospital to put it mildly! Not to mention, anything he may get caused by a fever could not mean good news in his weaken state. So...we are constantly on edge and living in fear it seems. I hate to admit it but, we are human and living a normal life without worry seems so far away at this point.

To be honest, things have not seemed as easy as I had anticipated. The past two weeks, Jordan has been very scared the leukemia could come back. He's been sad and crying a lot saying, he does not want to fight anymore and is done going to the hospital. Three years out seems way to long for him to handle at this point. He gets it...more than we think and it breaks my heart to see the worry on his face.

Shawn, myself, and Tristen have also been struggling in our own ways as well. It is as if we are under attack and our happiness is being stripped away from us. Fear and worry has consumed us lately. You put stress into the mix, and your days seem unbearable. I try my hardest to keep these feelings from Jordan and hide when I can, just to shed a tear. Shawn has a hard time at work because he is constantly worrying about us. Tristen seems to never want to leave Jordan's side and feels overwhelmed at times. Sometimes, staying positive is harder than you would think. Lately the battle has been in our minds...some days we feel so pressed down on every side and we wonder when this load going to be lifted. This is when we lean on family to be encouraged, and this is when I get into the word, and when I pray and give all to God.

I had a friend tell me when Jordan was in ICU at Loma Linda that we need to place Jordan at the feet of Jesus and say take him...he's yours, its out of our hands, we can't do it all, only you can Lord. That's what I've been doing this week, surrendering it all to God. At the end of this journey, when Jordan is through with this next phase, we will look back and say, Thank you Lord...you did not fail us. Thank you for carrying us through in our darkest hours. We will be stronger than ever before, we will know that trials and tribulations may come, but that we can be victorious in the end.

I like would to say a very special HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my wonderful husband. He is the back bone of this family. He keeps us going and lifts our chins up when everything seems to overwhelming. He never lets Jordan or Tristen get too down and always says, let dad worry about it, I'm here, I'll take care of you. Without him we would be lost. He brings the ease we need in our home and always makes everything better. We love you!!

I've let it all out, you know where we're struggling...we're obviously battling still. What else can we do but pray and put are faith and trust in God...