Friday, February 19, 2010

Day by Day...

I know its been awhile since the last update, I guess you can say, it took us a bit of time to bounce back from some hard times (mentally).

First off I would like to say, thank you for the encouraging comments. We all really need to hear words like that, so thank you very much, I read each and everyone of them. It's obvious to us now that the physical battle has seemed to be won, but now it appears mentally...things can be challenging for us. That's when we really need those prayers, so please keep them coming.

The weekend of Shawn's birthday, a fever that we thought may keep us home never rose high enough to put us in the hospital. Thankfully, God had other plans for us! We were able to go ahead with our plans for the weekend and head to San Diego. It was more than needed! There is a wonderful lady that gets her hair done at my sister's shop, named Patricia who has cancer herself and has really taken to Jordan's story, so she actually blessed us and because of her we were able to get away for a much deserved weekend get-a-way! We took the boys to Supercross (you see...they have two passions...baseball and motorcycle riding)! We actually went into the pits and they got to get pictures and autographs of some of their favorite riders. Supercross was a success and the rain didn't even ruin it! Jordan also got to go swimming for the first time in a heated pool (because he has a port now). He was like a fish out of water! Again...another milestone moment for us! The time away was so needed, we were actually able to enjoy life outside of hospitals, doctors offices, and always being at home, but mostly just to simply...BREATHE. It lifted our spirits more than you know for all of us!

The last time we had Jordan's counts checked, about a week an a half ago, they were on the rise. We are due back this Monday for the once a month light chemo through his port and I'm sure his counts will be checked again. I'm hoping they will be even higher at this time. What does concern me, is where they will be about two weeks after this chemo that is due on Monday because there is a chance they could come down again and we don't want that. The beginning of the maintenance phase is somewhat of a roller coaster and it will take some time to regulate his medicine in order to get the counts were we want them to be. I can happily say that Jordan appears to be getting stronger everyday. All he needed was some time to see that yes...there is life after this nightmare he has been living. In fact, we all needed to see it! Also, what we're seeing is hair, it's coming back and this pleases him tremendously!! He always took such pride in his hair, I don't think it can grow back fast enough for him.

We also have the start of Little League season upon us, which as you all know gives us much joy. Shawn will actually be managing Tristen's team in the Major division this year, which will give us something new to focus on. To much of our amazement it appears Jordan will be playing as well (pending a doctor's approval of course). We figured it would of been more towards the middle of the season but no...we figured wrong. He is more than ready!! He plays all the time with Tristen. His heart and mind are totally focused on baseball right now. He may not start off the strongest but I'm convinced, its just a matter of time that he'll be playing up to par and we'll be seeing that attitude out on the ball field that drove us so crazy! You see, he plays with heart and sometimes that shows out on the field (whether we like it or not), but you know...it's that feisty attitude that won his life back! And now it's that feisty attitude and determination that will allow him to play ball again, just bringing him one step closer to regaining his life back!!

I often find myself feeling like how a new mother would feel watching her newborn baby. I look at him and appreciate his life so much more now. Him being able to eat, laugh, and play with his brother does not go unnoticed anymore. Just to lay entangled with him on the couch and to feel the softness of his skin, to rub his ear lobes, to see the fullness of his lips, to run my check against his new hair growing in...that's what fills me up. I know now how precious life is and I'm constantly thanking God for allowing us stay a family of four.

It's still a day by day thing with us, but I do feel it's getting easier and on those days that aren't so good...I'll be looking forward to the next day when we wake up and Gods Mercy and Grace will be new again!! That's what keeps us going...

Friday, February 5, 2010

Maintenance Begins...

On Monday, January 25 Jordan officially started day one of the maintenance phase. On that day the port-a-cath was finally inserted into his chest. He was sore the entire week from that but finally started to move around the next week. His blood counts are currently low, this Monday we go in to check them, I am hopeful they will start rising.

I had stated earlier what chemo was expected for him to take on the maintenance phase, but was unaware of another chemo pill he would have to take once a week. Unfortunately, every Monday he will be taking an additional eight and a half pills. These pills do make him feel nauseous the next morning.
Jordan has been fighting a low grade fever for the past couple of days which throws us into a frenzy because any temp over 100, and we are hospital bound. That alone makes us sick, we are so done with the hospital to put it mildly! Not to mention, anything he may get caused by a fever could not mean good news in his weaken state. So...we are constantly on edge and living in fear it seems. I hate to admit it but, we are human and living a normal life without worry seems so far away at this point.

To be honest, things have not seemed as easy as I had anticipated. The past two weeks, Jordan has been very scared the leukemia could come back. He's been sad and crying a lot saying, he does not want to fight anymore and is done going to the hospital. Three years out seems way to long for him to handle at this point. He gets it...more than we think and it breaks my heart to see the worry on his face.

Shawn, myself, and Tristen have also been struggling in our own ways as well. It is as if we are under attack and our happiness is being stripped away from us. Fear and worry has consumed us lately. You put stress into the mix, and your days seem unbearable. I try my hardest to keep these feelings from Jordan and hide when I can, just to shed a tear. Shawn has a hard time at work because he is constantly worrying about us. Tristen seems to never want to leave Jordan's side and feels overwhelmed at times. Sometimes, staying positive is harder than you would think. Lately the battle has been in our minds...some days we feel so pressed down on every side and we wonder when this load going to be lifted. This is when we lean on family to be encouraged, and this is when I get into the word, and when I pray and give all to God.

I had a friend tell me when Jordan was in ICU at Loma Linda that we need to place Jordan at the feet of Jesus and say take him...he's yours, its out of our hands, we can't do it all, only you can Lord. That's what I've been doing this week, surrendering it all to God. At the end of this journey, when Jordan is through with this next phase, we will look back and say, Thank you Lord...you did not fail us. Thank you for carrying us through in our darkest hours. We will be stronger than ever before, we will know that trials and tribulations may come, but that we can be victorious in the end.

I like would to say a very special HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my wonderful husband. He is the back bone of this family. He keeps us going and lifts our chins up when everything seems to overwhelming. He never lets Jordan or Tristen get too down and always says, let dad worry about it, I'm here, I'll take care of you. Without him we would be lost. He brings the ease we need in our home and always makes everything better. We love you!!

I've let it all out, you know where we're struggling...we're obviously battling still. What else can we do but pray and put are faith and trust in God...