Friday, September 10, 2010

It’s Monday morning, 4:30 am and I have hardly slept. My mind has every emotion you can think of…

The first two weeks of school for Jordan went very well. He was welcomed with open arms. By the second week, Jordan developed a runny nose and cough but it never got bad enough for medicine, I just hoped and prayed it wouldn’t turn into anything more. But approaching our third week of school, a fever put us in the hospital for one day and one night. We returned to the clinic the next day for doses of antibiotics incase a bacteria infection was brewing. Thankfully, no bacteria showed up in his blood cultures and the fever was just related to a common cold.

His counts were very low for the second time in a month so he was put on independent study for the week. Again, all chemo pills were stopped to give his body time to rest and recover. As much as he wanted to be back in school, it was too risky to send him. We are due back tomorrow to check his blood work.

Unfortunately, his hair has come completely out due to the radiation. His teacher has compassionately agreed to let Jordan wear his baseball hat in class…loosing his hair again has not been easy for him.

He is doing fine now and will return to school Tuesday. His travel ball team has already started their season without him, competing in their first tournament this weekend. His coach tells us to get him healthy again so he can join the team… the radiation has taken more of a toll on him then ever imagined and going back to school has been a huge adjustment for him…so playing baseball may not even be in the cards right now.

Ever since radiation, the past few weeks have set me back a bit. I feel myself spiraling down with a ton of emotions getting the best of me. I guess you can say seeing Jordan with a bald head again is a constant reminder that yes, I have a child that’s fighting cancer (even though it’s already been beat and we’re just going through the process now).

Do you all remember when Jordan spoke at a fundraising dinner for the Cancer Society? He was asked by friends we met, whose daughter had Leukemia as a teenager and ended up having the same doctors as Jordan. Well, it is with great regret to have just found out the cancer is back and she is now in need of a bone marrow transplant along with even more aggressive chemo therapy than before. Her name is Raeleen, she just tuned 20 and had just started her first week of school at Cal Baptism at the time of her relapse. She is an absolute beautiful young girl who now has to once again put her life and hopes on hold.

This news has set me back and I am completely devastated. I feel the pain of that family and her mother’s….I know exactly the despair and heartache they must be feeling as they walk those halls of Loma Linda. Thankfully, they are a family full of faith and completely trusting that God will see them through once again. I can only imagine what Raeleen may be feeling. I pray she has the fight left in her and that God will give her the strength she needs to endure a very difficult road. She and her family need prayers around the clock right now.

I know I usually leave off with something encouraging but I don’t have it in me. I am sick physically and mentally right now. I am trying very hard to cast all negative thoughts down and surrender all to God so I can be the mother and a wife I was called to be…it’s a lot easier to say then do when you’re in a world of hurt.  This news with Raeleen has been the last thing I needed to hear. She gave our family hope. I guess for now I’ll take the advice of her mom, written from their blog, to take one day at a time…