It's Tough

A lot of people have been asking about Shawn's job and fortunately, he got hired on with the new company. Most importantly, the medical insurance stayed the same and we were able to stay with Kaiser, which was huge because we did not want to switch with Jordan being in the middle of treatments.

People ask me as well, how's Tristen doing ...He has chose to keep his thoughts private from the blog right now, and I told him that's OK. Often I refer to him and his brother as two bookends - they don't work without each other.

Also...many people ask me how I am doing and I respond with my famous words, "I'm hanging in." I think as a mother, it hits you worse. I have good days and bad days, it seems more bad... and to be honest with you, most days I feel like I don't even want to get out of bed and face my day. But thankfully, I have a wonderful support system with great friends and family and a wonderful husband that motivates me and encourages me when I think I can't do it. He is defiantly the back bone of our family.

I don't do a lot of research on leukemia, I simply choose to do my research in the word of God. I lean on the Lord's report and not the report of the doctor's. I can say that when we go in for chemo now, it's a bit easier. I guess you say I've accepted it. But before, at the beginning, it literally made me ill.

When we lost my sister, Tami, to breast cancer, when she only 37, I thought OK...our family has now dealt with the worst thing possible, this has got to be it for us with our heartache. Well, I was wrong, I'm learning that life is not easy...It's full of ups and downs, laughter and tears, joys and heartache, achievements and disappointments. Right now for us, I have to believe this is just a season we are in and life will eventually get back to normal. My niece, Candace, tells me..a new normal now.

I often find myself looking through old pictures of Jordan...the ones with the shaggy hair, ones on vacations, him playing baseball, and ones with no scars on his neck and face from the echmo and ventilator. I don't know if this is good therapy for me or not, I often end up in tears but all I can say is...I keep going. You have to deal with what you've been dealt. I lean on the strength of the Lord and on his mercy and grace he gives everyday.

So, you see my Friends...I'm hanging in. No one said life would be easy. I defiantly look forward to the brighter days ahead, I just wish they were sooner rather than later.